oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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