you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
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