oh god the rape fog is back!
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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