He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
