just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
