did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
