she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
