The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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