her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
