I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
