the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
