Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
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I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
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We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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