better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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