Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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