38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
