Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
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when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
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That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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