Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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