Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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