I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
