Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
