The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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