You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I have post one night stand depression
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
