my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Congratulations! We have a period
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
