Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
