Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Randomize
