If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
