I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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