That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
