I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
