I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
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if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
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I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
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