I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
