one might say we're banned from that church
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
