I have demons in me.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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