i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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