Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
