he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Best friends brother. Beat that.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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