at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
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