Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
