No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
