This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize
