I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
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