I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
