I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
