who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
