Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
