You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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