On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize