His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
