i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
