I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
its not stalking. its research.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
two words...techno handjob
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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