I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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