Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
