apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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