How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Randomize
