Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Is it because I queefed?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
