wake up i wanna do it froggy style
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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