No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
