:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I need to stop coming to work sober
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
