sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Randomize
