I feel like I'm in dance class right now
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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