His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
