if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
